Scene opens with YOUNG MAN smiling and walking in place facing stage left
YOUNG MAN: *obviously* Gee, I’m a young man on a hike!
Turns head to the audience
YOUNG MAN: *informing* A lot of terrible things can happen to a young man on a hike. I could trip and scrape my knee,
Pantomimes stepping around a rock
YOUNG MAN: Good thing I didn’t trip on that rock. I could run into a Bigfoot,
Roar is heard offstage
YOUNG MAN: *dismissive* That didn’t sound like it was anywhere near me. I could run into a band of cutthroat forest marauders,
Group of 3-5 actors with prop swords (MARAUDERS) enter stage left YOUNG MAN stops walking
GROUP LEADER: *dramatically* WE ARE HERE TO VIOLENTLY EVISCERATE… *pause* YOUNG MAN makes “oh no!” shocked expression
GROUP LEADER: BIGFOOTS!
Group runs offstage raising swords and battlecrying to stage right YOUNG MAN watches MARAUDERS run offstage, sighs in relief turns to the audience
YOUNG MAN: That’s right, a lot of terrible things can happen to a young man on a hike. But the worst thing that could possibly happen to you is…
Text alert sound
YOUNG MAN: *smiles, apologetic* Hold on, I just got a text from my girlfriend. Brings out phone
YOUNG MAN: *smiles* *to audience* She’s so cute. *as if reading to self out loud from phone* Daniel, I like you… But… *frowns*Don’t see you that way anymore… Too many hikes without me… Think you’re a swell guy… *transition into devastated expression* Hope the best for you… *weakly* Just friends… Drops to knees Pause (take breath)
YOUNG MAN: *overdramatic* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Scene opens with YOUNG MAN smiling and walking in place facing stage left
YOUNG MAN: *obviously* Gee, I’m a young man on a hike!
Turns head to the audience
YOUNG MAN: *informing* A lot of terrible things can happen to a young man on a hike. I could trip and scrape my knee,
Pantomimes stepping around a rock
YOUNG MAN: Good thing I didn’t trip on that rock. I could run into a Bigfoot,
Roar is heard offstage
YOUNG MAN: *dismissive* That didn’t sound like it was anywhere near me. I could run into a band of cutthroat forest marauders,
Group of 3-5 actors with prop swords (MARAUDERS) enter stage left
YOUNG MAN stops walking
GROUP LEADER: *dramatically* WE ARE HERE TO VIOLENTLY EVISCERATE… *pause*
YOUNG MAN makes “oh no!” shocked expression
GROUP LEADER: BIGFOOTS!
Group runs offstage raising swords and battlecrying to stage right
YOUNG MAN watches MARAUDERS run offstage, sighs in relief turns to the audience
YOUNG MAN: That’s right, a lot of terrible things can happen to a young man on a hike. But the worst thing that could possibly happen to you is…
Text alert sound
YOUNG MAN: *smiles, apologetic* Hold on, I just got a text from my girlfriend.
Brings out phone
YOUNG MAN: *smiles* *to audience* She’s so cute. *as if reading to self out loud from phone* Daniel, I like you… But… *frowns*Don’t see you that way anymore… Too many hikes without me… Think you’re a swell guy… *transition into devastated expression* Hope the best for you… *weakly* Just friends…
Drops to knees
Pause (take breath)
YOUNG MAN: *overdramatic* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Fin